Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
