it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
