Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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