Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
