last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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