There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
