I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
