Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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