I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
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Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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