So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
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You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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