I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
