was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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