i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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