we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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