I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
