Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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