I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize