Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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