careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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