hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
