Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
