My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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