what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
