I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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