It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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