Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
