allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
