farters have to be the big spoon...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
