Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
