Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
