so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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