I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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