got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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