I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
