This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
