You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
