Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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