Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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