38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
