It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
