i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
