Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
