Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
