she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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