Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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