and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
