hell yes lets make some ravioli
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
