she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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