they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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