I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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