What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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