it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
