Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
