She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
