she was so not down for the gang bang
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
