dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
