Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
