I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
