Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
