I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
