you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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