Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
