Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
