I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
