Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
