That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize