If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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