Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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