I got chris browned last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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