There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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